


Spicy Alfredo

by jo_anne_storm



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:36:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jo_anne_storm/pseuds/jo_anne_storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What the hell are you reading?”</p><p>The question, snapped practically into his ear, startled Stiles. The teen flailed as he fell out of his computer chair and landed with an audible thump on the floor.</p><p>“Is this... Are you reading werewolf porn?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spicy Alfredo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [riverchic1998](https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverchic1998/gifts).



> It's all [](http://dream-mancer.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://dream-mancer.livejournal.com/)**dream_mancer** 's fault! She made me write crack!fic. Teen Wolf crack!fic.
> 
> OK. A better explanation: Laura decided that she has read too much Sterek when she read "Alpha" and "Stiles" in her lunch menu. I have no idea where she was eating that had bad porn food descriptions, but she did. And it just kind of devolved from there.
> 
> Also: my phone suggested crack!fuck instead of crack!fic. Which meant that it was FATE. Nothing will deny Derek and Stiles's crack!fucky!love!

> “Let me make your fantasies come true,” whispered the powerful yet misunderstood Alpha as he held Spicy White in his arms.
> 
> “Okay,” said Spicy White, his skin flushing a becoming shade of red. Spicy still could not believe that this was happening, that the Alpha of his fantasies was interested in a little Omega like him. Pale and thin, dotted with unbecoming freckles and moles, Spicy did not consider himself anything special, but with the handsome Alpha staring down at him with fiery eyes, the smell of the other man’s arousal enveloping him, and his own Heat cycle warming him from within, he felt beautiful.

  
“What the hell are you reading?”

The question, snapped practically into his ear, startled Stiles. The teen flailed as he fell out of his computer chair and landed with an audible thump on the floor.

“Bells,” he yelled as his hands danced wildly in the air, his heart rate dangerously high. “I’m buying you fucking _bells_ and surgically attaching them to you.”

Derek ignored the young man on the floor and leaned forward to manipulate the mouse.

“Is this... Are you reading werewolf porn?”

“It’s _research_ ,” Stiles insisted.

“On what?” the werewolf asked with a frown. “And for whom?”

“On the mating habits of werewolves,” Stiles huffed as he levered himself back onto his feet and retrieved the chair from where it had rolled away. “For Scott.”

“ _Scott_ needs to know about homosexual sex?”

“Um... Well, OK, no. But I stumbled on this one and it’s so very bad that that I can’t look away from it. It’s like a train wreck. Or a Shyamalan movie. Because of course the aliens react to water as if it’s acid and came to a planet that’s mostly water.”

“This is...”

“I know, right!” Stiles bounced on the balls of his feet as Derek read more of the story. “Why would someone name their kid ‘Spicy’?”

“Coming from someone named ‘Stiles’.”

The human in question stuck his tongue out at the werewolf, who ignored him in favor of reading more of the truly awful pornography that the teen had found.

“I think it’s crack!fuck. Fic! Crack!fic. The author was probably high on something when he wrote it. I hope so, at least. Not even _Harry Potter_ Mary Sue fanfic is that bad.” He paused for a moment to reconsider it. “No, no, I’m wrong. That one with the floor-length purple hair was worse.”

“What the hell is ‘knotting’?”

**Author's Note:**

> [Here](http://i644.photobucket.com/albums/uu168/dream_mancer/Random/9FAEF719-6CB4-4678-BF7A-6219EF5F8F7A-58205-0000480CEBC81C8B.jpg) is the menu item in question.


End file.
